Hardship of IUI
When I first found out that IUI was the next stop on our journey, I did exactly what you are doing right now. I looked on the internet for posts from women who also went through this experience.
I wanted to know what to expect from the procedure, the statistics of how likely it would be I would end up pregnant, an all encompassing idea of what I am about to endure. I found a couple different blogs with different experiences. Some had ultrasounds, some did not. Some took Clomid others did not. Some were shots, some were pills. I was even more lost than when I started looking and knew I wouldn't know my own journey until I started.
My first IUI started with pills, Letrozole was my doctor's pill of choice. The pills are taken for 5 days. Like most medications, it came with side effects. From the first day I took it, I became very nauseous. If I walked too fast down the grocery aisle, I would become nauseous. Carried too much weight, nauseous. After two weeks of that started the migraines. I would wake with a migraine, go to sleep with a migraine. My doctor informed me the migraines are a rare side effect, lucky me got to experience it. Lastly, I ended up with terrible acne. It looked like burns on my face for about a week. I never once complained, I stood strong knowing I need to do this so I can have a baby.
Followed by the pills I took ovulation tests. Starting with cycle day 10 I peed on a stick every day waiting for it to decide my fate. Once I achieved ovulation, my IUI was scheduled for the very next day.
I was the most excited I had been in years. Finally, I felt like I had a chance at having a baby. I felt so close to the idea that I might actually get pregnant. I couldn't wait! That morning I was like a duck on a pond. Calm and together on the surface but frantically paddling beneath the water. Frantic with wonder, excitement, and thoughts of my future!
Like I said, I did my research. I knew our chances. If we had 5 million sperm, it gave us 10-12% chance of getting pregnant. The same percentage as any healthy couple at home every month. Finally, those odds are mine!
My husband's appointment was first, to collect all the perfect potential sperm that might be the perfect mate! Once they washed them and weeded out the non Olympic swimmers, they called me in for placement. This took about an hour and a half between.
Then it was time for placement. It's much like a pap exam. All tools are the same except one. There's a long thin catheter with a syringe attached. Inside the syringe is all the perfect sperm. The Olympians who won the race earlier in the day.
During the placement I felt cramping, mild and dull. Once they were all released, and the catheter was removed, the cramping went away. But that pain was nothing compared to what came right before.
When the doctor first entered the room, he gave us the numbers. The numbers he would like to see and the numbers we had. Unfortunately, we came up short, and the numbers we had left us with a 1-3% chance of getting pregnant.
My heart sank, my eyes filled with tears but I kept thinking it only takes one. Just one little strong determined fellow to make his way to my egg. I mean, my husband is pretty stubborn, his sperm must be too right? I held it together, for myself, for him, for our chance at having a baby....
The next two weeks I remained that duck on the pond. While my face showed optimism, my heart felt fear. Fear of uncertainty, the unknown. What do we do now? What will come next? What if this doesn't work?
I realized then, it didn't matter how many blogs I read about other experiences. Nothing would have ever prepared me for what happened that moment. I was blind sided.
See, that's the thing with infertility, there is never any black and white. Every experience is different. Each outcome varies. No two stories are ever the same. I could look for the facts, but only my own numbers truly matter.
Two weeks later, I took my pregnancy test... it was negative. It was at that moment I felt like my journey was over. I didn't know where to go from there. I knew we had to start over. Start over after being so close.
I got myself together. I made a few phone calls and our next, or should I say, first appointment wasn't going to be for a month and a half. So until then, I just had to wait. I watched my tunnel grow longer as my trip wasn't nearing the end any time soon.
#infertilitywarrior #staystrong
I wanted to know what to expect from the procedure, the statistics of how likely it would be I would end up pregnant, an all encompassing idea of what I am about to endure. I found a couple different blogs with different experiences. Some had ultrasounds, some did not. Some took Clomid others did not. Some were shots, some were pills. I was even more lost than when I started looking and knew I wouldn't know my own journey until I started.
My first IUI started with pills, Letrozole was my doctor's pill of choice. The pills are taken for 5 days. Like most medications, it came with side effects. From the first day I took it, I became very nauseous. If I walked too fast down the grocery aisle, I would become nauseous. Carried too much weight, nauseous. After two weeks of that started the migraines. I would wake with a migraine, go to sleep with a migraine. My doctor informed me the migraines are a rare side effect, lucky me got to experience it. Lastly, I ended up with terrible acne. It looked like burns on my face for about a week. I never once complained, I stood strong knowing I need to do this so I can have a baby.
Followed by the pills I took ovulation tests. Starting with cycle day 10 I peed on a stick every day waiting for it to decide my fate. Once I achieved ovulation, my IUI was scheduled for the very next day.
I was the most excited I had been in years. Finally, I felt like I had a chance at having a baby. I felt so close to the idea that I might actually get pregnant. I couldn't wait! That morning I was like a duck on a pond. Calm and together on the surface but frantically paddling beneath the water. Frantic with wonder, excitement, and thoughts of my future!
Like I said, I did my research. I knew our chances. If we had 5 million sperm, it gave us 10-12% chance of getting pregnant. The same percentage as any healthy couple at home every month. Finally, those odds are mine!
My husband's appointment was first, to collect all the perfect potential sperm that might be the perfect mate! Once they washed them and weeded out the non Olympic swimmers, they called me in for placement. This took about an hour and a half between.
Then it was time for placement. It's much like a pap exam. All tools are the same except one. There's a long thin catheter with a syringe attached. Inside the syringe is all the perfect sperm. The Olympians who won the race earlier in the day.
During the placement I felt cramping, mild and dull. Once they were all released, and the catheter was removed, the cramping went away. But that pain was nothing compared to what came right before.
When the doctor first entered the room, he gave us the numbers. The numbers he would like to see and the numbers we had. Unfortunately, we came up short, and the numbers we had left us with a 1-3% chance of getting pregnant.
My heart sank, my eyes filled with tears but I kept thinking it only takes one. Just one little strong determined fellow to make his way to my egg. I mean, my husband is pretty stubborn, his sperm must be too right? I held it together, for myself, for him, for our chance at having a baby....
The next two weeks I remained that duck on the pond. While my face showed optimism, my heart felt fear. Fear of uncertainty, the unknown. What do we do now? What will come next? What if this doesn't work?
I realized then, it didn't matter how many blogs I read about other experiences. Nothing would have ever prepared me for what happened that moment. I was blind sided.
See, that's the thing with infertility, there is never any black and white. Every experience is different. Each outcome varies. No two stories are ever the same. I could look for the facts, but only my own numbers truly matter.
Two weeks later, I took my pregnancy test... it was negative. It was at that moment I felt like my journey was over. I didn't know where to go from there. I knew we had to start over. Start over after being so close.
I got myself together. I made a few phone calls and our next, or should I say, first appointment wasn't going to be for a month and a half. So until then, I just had to wait. I watched my tunnel grow longer as my trip wasn't nearing the end any time soon.
#infertilitywarrior #staystrong
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