Don't Give Into The Battle
Late nights are a dangerous time for me. I let my mind run wild analyzing my day, my life. I think, over think, rethink everything my life has become. I have given everything to my infertility battle.
In the beginning I tried the little Pinterest hacks. Every day for three months I ate pineapple because I was told it would make my uterus look more appealing for the egg to implant. I did fertility yoga. I tried the fertility massage. I drank fertility smoothies. Fail.
As time went on I thought I better look further into this baby making process. I bought medical devices proven to get other women pregnant. I had surgery. I tracked my temperature, my cycle, my mucous, and month after month failed each attempt. Becoming more discouraged with each failure I broke down. Days of crying turned into weeks. Months went by and I layed on wet pillows until I fell asleep. We sold our house because I couldn't continue to come home to empty rooms I cannot fill. I packed up the perfect nursery we had set up, kept only a few items and sold the rest of what were going to become great memories.
I picked myself up, decided I can't let infertility run my life and I was going to take control. I started fertility treatment. I gave up weeks of my life to side effects. I spent thousands of dollars on treatment that got me hopeful but again let me down. Back into the same sad place I was before starting treatment. Where infertility ran my life.
I sit here tonight and look back at everything I given to the battle, yet I still haven't won. This isn't a monthly struggle but a daily back and forth of emotions and thoughts.
In the beginning I tried the little Pinterest hacks. Every day for three months I ate pineapple because I was told it would make my uterus look more appealing for the egg to implant. I did fertility yoga. I tried the fertility massage. I drank fertility smoothies. Fail.
As time went on I thought I better look further into this baby making process. I bought medical devices proven to get other women pregnant. I had surgery. I tracked my temperature, my cycle, my mucous, and month after month failed each attempt. Becoming more discouraged with each failure I broke down. Days of crying turned into weeks. Months went by and I layed on wet pillows until I fell asleep. We sold our house because I couldn't continue to come home to empty rooms I cannot fill. I packed up the perfect nursery we had set up, kept only a few items and sold the rest of what were going to become great memories.
I picked myself up, decided I can't let infertility run my life and I was going to take control. I started fertility treatment. I gave up weeks of my life to side effects. I spent thousands of dollars on treatment that got me hopeful but again let me down. Back into the same sad place I was before starting treatment. Where infertility ran my life.
I sit here tonight and look back at everything I given to the battle, yet I still haven't won. This isn't a monthly struggle but a daily back and forth of emotions and thoughts.
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