The Struggle Is Part Of The Story

Myth #1 Time together makes a baby. Contrary to popular belief, the length of time people know each other, is not related to making a baby. That's right, you heard me, time is not relative to baby making. People everywhere think because you are with someone for a long time, babies just start popping out. Babies are not made from time. Nowhere do you see a onesie that says "made with time" or "I am the one year of marriage magic baby". Unfortunately we are not gifted children based on the time we spend together with people. Also, people think wow they were only together a few months and they already had a baby, again, babies are not made based on time. It doesn't matter how long or how short you are with someone, time is not a factor that creates a baby. Myth #2 Marriage makes a baby. Friends and family members expect babies from married people. Outsiders think wow you have been together 8 years and you are married, why don't you have any kids? Well, up...

Late nights are a dangerous time for me. I let my mind run wild analyzing my day, my life. I think, over think, rethink everything my life has become. I have given everything to my infertility battle. In the beginning I tried the little Pinterest hacks. Every day for three months I ate pineapple because I was told it would make my uterus look more appealing for the egg to implant. I did fertility yoga. I tried the fertility massage. I drank fertility smoothies. Fail. As time went on I thought I better look further into this baby making process. I bought medical devices proven to get other women pregnant. I had surgery. I tracked my temperature, my cycle, my mucous, and month after month failed each attempt. Becoming more discouraged with each failure I broke down. Days of crying turned into weeks. Months went by and I layed on wet pillows until I fell asleep. We sold our house because I couldn't continue to come home to empty rooms I cannot fill. I packed up the perfect nursery ...

The dreaded "are you trying" question. Everyone asks it. Everyone wonders. Do they honestly know the baggage that comes with that question? If they did, I am sure they would never ask. Do they want to know how many days a month you test ovulation and how they all come back negative? Do they want to see your temperature charts for the past six months that have no clear rise or drop in them? Do they just want a simple "yes, we are" while your crumble inside knowing you have tried everything you have ever read and still fail. Maybe you say no, because you are so far into trying you have hit the end and want to give it all up. I know I have been there. I have hit that point. The point that you stop all ovulation tests, you stop taking your temperature every morning, you try to stop seeing the dates on the calendar. You say you aren't trying anymore. You say you'll just wait and see if it'll happen because well now you are relaxed and you aren't "tr...

This is for all the women out there who are struggling each and every day with infertility or loss. The women who feel like no matter where they go or where they look someone is pregnant! The women who see people having babies who do not take care of them. The women who feel like life just is not fair! I know exactly how you are feeling, you try, try and try again with no luck while other women can just get pregnant from a guy glancing at them. (Not literally but that is how it feels) You feel like you must have done something horrible in life to be put through this pain of trying with no success. You wonder, "what did I do wrong to deserve a life like this" or "why don't I deserve a baby too?" Believe me, I know these feelings all too well. The pregnancy announcements made me cry. The pregnant women in line at the store made me angry. The stories on the news with babies dying from being left in a car just fueled my anger more and more! Why do these women g...

Even though I have not experienced a failed pregnancy, does not mean I have not experienced loss. Infertility loss encompasses so much more than one thinks, or can ever imagine. Have you lost something or someone every month for a year? Twelve losses a year; yet still wake up each day, put on a smile for the world because that is what they expect. I have always dreamed of becoming a mother. I can imagine myself sitting in a rocking chair, holding my growing belly while my miracle flutters inside. I see myself staring around at the finished nursery set for my bundle of joy. I rock and enjoy the silence before my bundle arrives knowing life couldn't be more perfect; but each month that doesn't happen, I experience loss. The loss of the dream to become a mother. The loss of making my husband a father. As the months drag on and that very dream becomes further away, I experience loss. The loss of hope it can ever happen. The sparkle of hope that this dream could ever bec...

Infertility is a constant battle. You want to tell yourself I can do this, I can be strong; while at the same time you are staring at only one pink line. You want to be excited when you wake up nauseous one morning; only to find it was just bad take out from the night before. Your heart never wants to lose hope while your mind tells you don't give false hope. Month by month the red river flows reminding you of your failure and your loss. While some celebrate in this great gift of mother nature, we crumble at the thought of lost motherhood. I have been on this rollercoaster for 3 years. What you need to remember is you never see a rollercoaster with only one seat. There is always someone beside you. There are cars full of people behind you. All these people who ride the same ride. Strap in and hold on tight. It is time to take the ride of your life to the greatest adventure of your life; motherhood. Stay strong.